Can Purell be used as lube?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
