I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
