You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
