New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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