You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize