I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
