Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
please come you make the beer taste better
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Randomize
