I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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