My underwear smells like fireworks.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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