i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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