So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
