I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
