Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
