I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
