Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
