how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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