We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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