Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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