I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
