Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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