they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
