very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
