I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
