Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
