Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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