I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize