Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
