I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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