So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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