We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Randomize