I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
