He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
