I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
