I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
FUCK WHALES
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
