before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
