I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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