i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
