i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Randomize
