Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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