I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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