dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I supernannyed him into submission
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize