Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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