Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
