Moan for me like Helen Keller
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
this will be a night to untag.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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