evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
