he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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