I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
