I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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