I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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