remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
