Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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