My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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