I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
