The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
