My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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