I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We had to coat check the pizza.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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