I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
