If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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