You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
