I am puke
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
