I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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