Apparently you make a good broom.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
