if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
