he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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