think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
