Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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