and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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